HOW TO BE ?!

Art

for me aRt -

has always been supposed to be a language, a means of communication,

but if this is so, is it not strange that the eternal essence of art comes out even more clearly once we have lost the immediate conditions and immediate time of a work of art, and that our understanding seems to grow in direct proportion to the extent the work of art becomes less and

less communicative--as time withers away from it, as the iconic elements are no longer understood (or misunderstood)? It is not important, for example, to know whether the sculptor who built an animistic statue was an animist; it is only necessary to understand what could have helped the artist’s imagination so that he got such an overwhelming strength of expression--and even that is only a technical problem. In view of all that it seems doubtful that art is a language, a means of communication at all.

see sample below: hus idea?

artist: ayAH

how about this? faceyourmanga.com - - you can create on you own style thou is baduy, jologs, hot, cool, etc.

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about last night aajao and 080808 had a fight of something! we end up very - - OK!

When newcomer “wife” comes to stay in the new house with husband who is already with other male members, becomes favorable atmosphere for her. Tendency of males to attract females facilitates her to take advantage to establish own atmosphere that matches her identity. This facilitates her to run the home as she wants. On the other hand, if there is already an adult female member (mainly mother-in-law) who controlled the house, turn out to be problems for her and her. Her survival is by surrendering to adjust into the existing environment or fight to gain control to establish own environment. It is a war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, most popular of any war. It is egoistic war to establish own superiority.

A home adorned by woman is her entity. Her own values are involved in making a home that reflects her qualities. Each house interior is different from other is because her deep involvement to decorate that suits her taste. We can observe in a house purchased or hired, woman takes special interest and involve her feeling to decorate and arrange interiors that makes her comfortable. Woman modifies her house to suit her taste is the environment she makes that suits her.

The mother who is already in control of her house would not easily leave, is the same case as of politicians who hates to leave legislation membership or seat whatever we may call. This is her house as she has been involved to nurture the house since the beginning. Any challenge is the challenge to her emotions, sense of worth, identity, fondness and finally her control for own security. Thus, she would never wish newcomer to have control on what she amassed for long-long time. This is the psychological behavior with every individual/ any life form. Who creates own territory by involving sentimentally and marks psychologically or physically to declare. Depends how species behave as human declare with flags and animals with other methods. Declaring territory is the sense of security. Similarly, mother too has marked her territory and would resist to any challenge.

A son for the mother is the outgrowth of her efforts and emotional involvement. Mainly when she has one son, she expects her son to become security for the family and the old age. Honestly, no aged man or woman would wish to go to old age houses for rest of the life as long as the son is alive. Differences of new generations, old generations, and psychological war between in-laws force to leave the house.

When she hands over her son to a new woman, she is cautious that her influence on the son is not disconnected. Her influence on him is the sense of security as he obeys, cares, and respects are his attachment. The new woman (WIFE) cannot tolerate because her sense of security expects 100% involvement from her husband. Wife needs him for her and children’s safety, security, comfort and sensual attachment. The diversion of her husband’s attention would minimize her expected desires. Therefore, she declares a war against her mother-in-law aggressively to thwart the weakening realm. However, the outcome depends on how psychologically strong the son/ husband is. How much his attraction or submission to the influence is? How strong the religious influence is? How he handles the situation? Who of two women are more influential is?

99.99 % mothers win over daughter-in-laws in the countries where religious dominance rule. All religious scripts direct the son to follow, respect, care and worship mothers. Therefore, aged are still safe and living with their children. However, in the urban and advanced countries it is the opposite. In such cases, the mothers are psychologically weaker and get defeated to daughter-in-laws.

In most cases, wife’s inclination is towards her own parents above the husband’s parents. She would prefer her mother-father to stay with her provided she wins her husband’s mind to agree. The reason of this is that she lived for long-long time, made her involve and attached emotionally with the parents and mixed up intensely to understand the needs of parents and parents understand her needs subsides only when she bears her own children.

One thing I would wish to stress that even wife loves and has respect for the mother-in-law; only psychological issues disconnect them. It is not any personal conflict rather is the personality conflict. They involve in the conflict to gain/retain the status and claim rights on the son/husband’s attention. So, can retain their say and pull major attention of son/husband towards them.

as my tips to all daughter in law:

 Daughter-in-law should also realize that she too would meet her daughter-in-law in her future when she becomes the mother-in-law. On the other hand, mother-in-law should realize the same way.

 Wife need to understand that mother-in-law is now aged. The behavior developed from the very beginning, some times is not easy to change. Thus becomes responsibility to understand the situation and act to drag mother-in-law towards her by affection. This technique is an influence to convince mother-in-law that “I care her more than even her son.”

 Do not hurt any one’s sentiment. Sentiment is the personal value and ego. If you hurt, you become enemy. Besides, putting your own values in front of her, listen to her too and tell to agree which ever is best. Forcing opinions and values is a root to clash.

 It is a conflict between the new and old generation. Thinking and behavior differ generation to generation. Present generation is more open, free, and demanding than the old. Mother-in-law need to know it is not her era.

 Opinion and ideological differences lead to misunderstanding.

 Psychological feelings and horrifying stories about mother-in-law create misunderstanding.

 Besides, understanding each other’s stand and responsibilities should work to eliminate feeling of insecurity.

 Egoistic approach is the root cause that I am the one who is responsible for him. Now he is an adult man can take care himself and your both.

 Exchange the affection, views, chat, good moments of your life, gifts etc to get closer.

Two different identities of different ideologies fight each other to gain control on one man. These two beloved women crush this man in their skirmishes. They do not realize the affect on the man they are fighting-for. In most cases, mother gets defeated in this episode and ends up rest of her life in the old age homes. If wife looses the war, she ends up in marriage failure. Finally, who is the looser?

If you're a mother in law, here's how to develop a better relationship with your daughter in law. These easy do's & don'ts will help you be a great mother in law.

If it seems like having a civilized conversation with your daughter in law is out of reach (much less figuring out how to say "I love you" to her and mean it), these tips will help you be a great mother in law. Being a great mother in law involves building a good relationship with your daughter in law.

Being a great mother in law can be as easy as being a loving, kind friend. Or it can require a little fancy footwork – such as self-awareness, people skills, and self-discipline. These mother in law do's and don'ts are geared towards a relationship with your daughter in law (not son-in-law) because most mother-in-law difficulties involve problems with a daughter-in-law.

With these tips, you'll learn how to say "I love you" without even opening your mouth. Before you know it, you'll build a good relationship with your daughter in law - and she'll think you're a great mother in law.

To be a great mother in law, DO:

1. Remember that your children and daughter in law have their own lives. If you want to see them, call and ask when they're available.
2. Be flexible. For instance, if they can't see you on Christmas Day, then gracefully enjoy their company on Christmas Eve. Flexibility is a prime way to be a great mother in law.
3. Ask "why" if your daughter in law asks you to change your behavior. Ask why to understand better, not to argue or defend yourself.
4. Be patient if you experience hostility, suspicion, or distance from your daughter in law. Build a good relationship with your daughter in law by not reacting immediately to slights.
5. Ask before you help with dinner, housecleaning, or rearranging the furniture. Building a good relationship with your daughter in law involves knowing your boundaries.
6. Accept and learn about your daughter in law's generation, culture, nationality, age, and mindset – which is supposed to be different than yours!
7. Sign a contract if you lend or borrow money from your daughter in law.
8. Talk openly, honestly, and humbly about miscommunications, arguments, or other conflicts with her. Talk about building a good relationship with your daughter in law and your experiences as a mother in law.
9. Be responsive to your daughter in law's needs and feelings even if you don't understand them. Building a good relationship with your daughter in law is about empathy.
10. Treat all your children equally – including your in-laws. A great mother in law is impartial and fair.
11. Tell mother in law jokes!

To be a great mother in law, DON'T:

1. Walk into your daughter in law's house whenever you feel like it. Building a good relationship with your daughter in law requires respect.
2. Give your daughter in law advice unless asked.
3. Comment on your daughter in law's parenting, housekeeping, cooking, or relationship skills (or your son's).
4. Punish your family when they don't conform to your expectations. Be a great mother in law by letting your family be themselves.
5. Make up stories about your son or daughter in law.
6. Comment on your daughter in law's hair, clothes, weight, makeup, job, income, extracurricular activities, or cosmetic surgery (unless you're offering genuine, sincere compliments!).
7. Talk constantly about your gout, trips, past, death, funeral arrangements, or garden. Build a good relationship with your daughter in law by being interested in her.
8. Hold a grudge or try to make her your daughter in law or son feel guilty.
9. Exclude your daughter in law from serious events in your life, such as surgeries or medical diagnoses. Being a great mother in law involves honesty.
10. Be mean or grumpy to your daughter in law. Be a great mother in law by being polite and kind.
11. Discipline your grandchildren your way.
12. Feed the grandchildren "forbidden" foods. Heed your daughter in law's house rules.
13. Take control of family holidays, events, or visits. Be a great mother in law by letting go.
14. Call your daughter in law or grandchildren names. Build a good relationship with your daughter in law by being respectful.
15. Nag. Build a good relationship with your daughter in law by letting things go.
16. Force your perspective or way of doing things on your daughter in law.
17. Ignore your daughter in law.
18. Wait for your son to leave the room and then make "harmless", unhelpful or even snide comments to your daughter in law about their lifestyle.
19. Complain that your daughter in law is wasting electricity, water, plastic sandwich bags, wrapping paper, or bows. A great mother in law keeps her opinions to herself.
20. Don't forget that all your children – including your daughter in law – feels loved and appreciated in different ways.

These do's and don'ts will help you build a good relationship with your daughter in law. The bonus is that they're really ways to say "I love you" and "I value you" without even having to say the words!